Tired of tearing.

I'm on leave today.
Just got to bring my granny for checkup again. hah. Really duno what to say about my granny, sometimes i just couldn't take it, the way she is so paranoid over every little things. Quarrelled with her yesterday.

She've got two medical appts today, Diabetes Centre & Eye Centre.
I had long ago taken leave. I always take leaves two weeks in advance, just to make sure that i'm always available on that particular day just to bring her there. cos no one will really take note the dates and whether the hell did she ever make it there on these appts. NOT ONE APPT BUT MANY. Perhaps, others are just busy with work?? (i'm working too) or busy resting? or busy stressing abt their own things? (like i've ever stop being STRESSed??). HAH! thats it!
Not that my granny is the closest to me now, (ya i know she is like my mama) and that one one else holds that responsibilty to take care of her too?
Cos of some HIGH LEVEL of Neglection my granny is receiving right now, she think that no one else bothers about her!
She starts to have negative thoughts like, not going to her medical appts cos the medical fees always accumulated to a BIG SUM of money, or thinking how she wished to strike 4D and be a Millionaire overnight so that everyone will just swarm towards her and show her some respect! GAWD!!! Seriously... the way she is living right now is just waiting her time to be up. which is can be so saddening to see that. arhhhhh... but there is nothing much i can do, so many things i hoped to help but is out of my ability.
I admit that the life right now for me is so so sooooo much better than living under the hands of my mama demon. Thats really my two yrs of hell life over there! For all who know my sucky situation over the years, i wondered how i did survived through all these dramatic life CRAPS. I may appear to be so strong, no storm can blow me away. But, how long will i ever take it or will i have a better life in the near future is what i feared most. I dun expect to have so good life or luxurious life, all i want is just a very simple life, a home of my own. A home, with papa & mama, granny.... normal life... really just that. I know its impossible now with my papa or mama, so i got to create one myself in future. I need bloody hell loads of ENERGY and that strong will & beliefs. Will I?
Deep down in my heart, really thankful to my Uncle & Aunt who had save me away from that ridiculous home i used to have. Though my granny isn't at her correct frequency lately, least she is eating well and we still have a shelter and warm bed to sleep in. I know out there i have a butch of frens listening and giving me advise whenever i needed. Till, it is the determination i need to carry on with such life.