way back.

i've been crying.
nothing is good since i've move here. its sucks.
i'm still leaving in the past.
now i know why people say its easy to know each other but difficult to live together.
i can never be as happy before as long as i'm still staying here.
its not a home for me. its just a shelter for me to sleep.
i miss the place that i used to grow up...
the place that only bring back nice memories. so many.
i tell myself i got to bare with all these and be strong...
for myself and for my grandma.
i'm still schooling and not financially independent yet.
i still got to rely on people that they think that money can buy everything including love.

you have not taken care of me and my sis before.
i bet you will not know how difficult to bring up a baby to a grown-up.
you push all responsibilty to my grandma.
you enjoy your life outside.
i've been brought up well by my grandma and i love her.
what are you to me? nobody.
you are just a person that give some money and think you own this whole world.

serve you right that my sis don't wanna know you.
it gonna be my turn soon...
since i'm just an investment to you.
you bring us to this world for just an investment. thats so funny.

will my life be any better if my dad is still around?

i really hope i still got the chance to bring happiness for my grandma for her rest of her life.
she had such a hard life already and even until now.
please respect my grandma who is your mum as well.
stop rising your voice and throw your temper over her.
you don't have my respect.

my childhood dream of having a complete loving family is gone.

I will not be like you. My own family in the future will be a blessed one.
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theres so much uncertainty in life.
sometimes we can't just help it and have to let it happen.
i'm sorry baby...
thanks for always being there for me. never give up for me.
i've been thinking too much recently and i thought i need to consult a shrink. ahah.
i don't wanna throw my temper on you.
when i cry... just give me a tight hug and that will be enough.